


Green Light at 3am

by ecofriendlyghost



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Issues, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Anxious Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Breakup, Deceit | Janus Sanders Needs a Hug, Deceit | Janus Sanders is Bad at Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Former Dark Side Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, Insomniac Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Jealousy, M/M, Swearing, Sympathetic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Sides (Sanders Sides), Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Sympathetic Sides (Sanders Sides), definitely not writing this to avoid my homework /s, idk i just felt like writing anxciet, janus and virgil are just really cute don't @ me, janus and virgil had a fight and that's why virgil left, janus do not be vibing though, kinda angsty but not really, let me know if you want me to write more anxciet, okay i finished and this does probably qualify as angst, or other ships idk i just need inspo, they have instagram because i don't know how other social media works, this is my first fic be nice, this is probably way too many tags sorry i'm done now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:08:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24634330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ecofriendlyghost/pseuds/ecofriendlyghost
Summary: Janus couldn’t sleep.In fact, he hadn’t slept in two years. Not since Virgil… well, for the king of self-care, he wasn’t big on actually caring for himself.Virgil couldn’t sleep.Not that he slept much normally. Insomnia was a bitch, and only one person had ever helped with that… Anyway, it didn’t matter anymore.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 18
Kudos: 247





	Green Light at 3am

Janus couldn’t sleep.

In fact, he hadn’t slept in two years. Not since Virgil… well, for the king of self-care, Janus wasn’t big on actually caring for himself. Most nights, he sat in his armchair, staring at the fire or reading or looking at his phone or doing sudoku or anything to distract him from the fact that he was here, trapped in his room, listening to Remus snore, and Virgil was there, playing Scrabble with Patton or flirting with Princey, not even thinking about him. How profoundly pathetic of Janus. Even Patton knew more about moving on.

Janus sat up from his armchair abruptly, surprising himself with the sureness with which he reached for his yellow-cased phone. No, idiot, you’re not going to text him, he thought, pulling up Instagram and entering “emo_nightmare_virge” into the search bar. You’re not that desperate, not desperate enough to copy and paste the hundreds of drafts you’ve saved in your notes app, waiting for the day you gather the courage to send them…

The little green light next to Virgil’s name seemed to blink invitingly, or maybe ominously, at Janus. Virgil was almost always online, shitposting, tweeting about Roman, posting mirror selfies in MCR shirts to his story. Even at the “devil’s hour,” he was probably messaging a light sides group chat or sharing cryptid theories to his close friends story. Janus should really just unfollow him, or turn activity status off, save himself the pain of wondering, constantly, what Virgil was up to. He didn’t. He just sat down, set his phone on the coffee table, and continued staring into the fire.

Virgil couldn’t sleep.

Not that he slept much normally. Insomnia was a bitch, and only one person had ever helped with that… Anyway, it didn’t matter anymore. He’d fucked that relationship up almost two years ago. God, he was so stupid. Janus surely stopped caring a year and a half ago, if not sooner.

Unless…

No. He’s not worth thinking about anymore.

But Virgil thought about him anyway.

On nights like these, Janus would ask, gently, if Virgil was ready to sleep yet every hour after 11pm. After Virgil said no two or three times, J would raise his eyebrows at him, and on those nights when Virgil was up shaking or crying or pacing until 3am, he’d put his arms around him and carry him into bed. And when Virgil still couldn’t sleep, J would kiss away his tears and sing softly to him until he calmed down… fuck. Virgil really needed to stop thinking about him, his biting sarcastic remarks, his little sighs when he was exasperated or happy, his small smiles hidden behind a façade of indifference. Fuck.

Virgil pulled out his phone, almost instinctually opening Instagram. He scrolled mindlessly through the explore page, filled with song covers and slime videos that Patton always sent him. (They were actually pretty calming, not that he’d tell pop star that). Eventually he got bored of the explore page, so he refreshed his feed. Of course nothing new came up. Nobody else was stupid enough to stay up until 3am. Well, nobody except…

Virgil opened his DMs, scrolling all the way to the bottom. He couldn’t bring himself to clear his message history with Janus. He felt a ping of shame reading the most recent thing he’d received from J, a scathing goodbye remark that Virgil had tried to ignore for two years. Janus was online, a little green dot next to the username “deceitful_sanders.” He had always been a bit hypocritical about sleeping habits.

Virgil opened the chat, trying to avoid looking at the painful message history. He swears he was just trying to open J’s profile, but somehow he ended up pressing the video chat button, and the ringing tone started playing. Shit, shit, shitshitshit—Virgil fumbled as he pressed the little X in the top right, heart racing, and put his head in between his knees.

Janus nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone started ringing, and was even more shocked to see Virgil’s username on his screen. Before he could decide what to do, or even really process what was happening, the buzzing stopped. Barely breathing, he unlocked his phone and pulled up his chat with Virgil. It must have been a misdial. There’s no way Virgil… just forget the fact that he’d have to have the chat pulled up in the first place to misdial at all. But as much as Janus tried to convince himself that the call meant nothing, an annoyingly persistent jolt in his stomach compelled him to start typing.

**DM between deceitful_sanders to emo_nightmare_virge**  
**deceitful_sanders:** you should really be asleep, v  
_emo_nightmare_virge is typing...  
emo_nightmare_virge is typing…  
emo_nightmare_virge is typing…  
emo_nightmar_ virge is typing…  
emo_nightmare_virge is typing… _  
**emo_nightmare virge:** can’t sleep  
**deceitful_sanders:** yeah  
**deceitful_sanders:** me neither

Janus knew he must have sounded stupid. For once, he had no idea what to say. He knew what he wanted to say. He could have sent a thousand apologies for their argument, or a million words to comfort his insomniac ex-lover. Instead, he went with “yeah.” God, how fucking inarticulate Virgil made him.

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, Janus had responded. Why did he respond? Shouldn’t he be sitting in his armchair reading another shitty mystery novel? Couldn’t he just let Virgil mourn their relationship in peace? And why, for God’s sake, did Virgil have to press the call button?

**DM between deceitful_sanders and emo_nightmare_virge**  
_emo_nightmare_virge is typing…  
emo_nightmare_virge is typing…  
emo_nightmare_virge is typing… _  
**emo_nightmare_virge:** seems kinda hypocritical  
**deceitful_sanders:** hey, I haven’t told you to go to bed in a long time now

Why the hell did Janus say that? That’s the worst thing to bring up right now. He’s messaging his ex for the first time in two years and he decides to bring up their breakup? The fact they haven’t talked to each other in so long? He cursed himself for being such a fool.

**DM between deceitful_sanders and emo_nightmare_virge**  
_emo_nightmare_virge is typing…  
emo_nightmare_virge is typing… _  
**emo_nightmare_virge:** well, I haven’t gone to bed in a long time now  
**emo_nightmare_virge:** which checks out I guess, because here I am at 3am, looking through my DMs from my ex and sending him a 3 second video call request  
**emo_nightmare_virge:** I’m sorry, I’m sorry for saying that, I’m sorry for calling, you should just go back to what you were doing  
_deceitful_sanders is typing…  
deceitful_sanders is typing…  
deceitful_sanders is typing… _  
**deceitful_sanders:** don’t be sorry V. I really don’t mind  
**emo_nightmare_virge:** that’s a lie  
**deceitful_sanders:** I swear it’s not  
**deceitful_sanders:** I never mind talking to you

Virgil felt a pang of guilt, and his heart shot up into his throat. He could feel the tension building up right behind his eyebrows as he pushed back the hot tears that blurred his vision.

**DM between deceitful_sanders and emo_nightmare_virge**  
_emo_nightmare_virge is typing…  
emo_nightmare_virge is typing…  
emo_nightmare_virge is typing… _  
**emo_nightmare_virge:** I’m sorry  
**emo_nightmare_virge:** this is stupid  
**deceitful_sanders:** goddamnit v, stop apologizing  
**deceitful_sanders:** if you don’t want to talk to me that’s fine, whatever, I don’t care  
**deceitful_sanders:** but don’t start a conversation with me and turn it into a string of stupid apologies for things I’m not even upset about

Janus regretted the message as soon as he sent it. Virgil wouldn’t forgive him for being a prick now. It’s foolish to think Virgil would forgive him at all. Janus had never resented himself more, and he felt a lump in his throat grow as he pursed his lips and closed his eyes.

Virgil felt a tear finally roll down his cheek when he read Janus’s message. He wiped his face messily, dark eyeshadow smudging on his knuckles. He wanted to believe J was lying when he said he didn’t care. He hadn’t realized he’d spent so long hoping J wanted him back.

**DM between deceitful_sanders and emo_nightmare_virge**  
_emo_nightmare_virge is typing…  
emo_nightmare_virge is typing…  
emo_nightmare_virge is typing… _  
**emo_nightmare_virge:** I guess apologizing for apologizing is probably not the way to go here  
**deceitful_sanders:** probably not  
_emo_nightmare_virge is typing…  
emo_nightmare_virge is typing… _  
**emo_nightmare_virge:** look, I have no idea if you want to talk to me  
**emo_nightmare_virge:** and if you don’t, I respect that  
**emo_nightmare_virge:** I just think you should know that I’m not as pissed off at you as I act  
**emo_nightmare_virge:** I’m just royally pissed at myself for being a dick, for not listening to you, for not apologizing sooner, for pretending to hate you as much as I hate myself for two fucking years  
**emo_nightmare_virge:** and that’s one thing that is worth apologizing for. so I’m sorry  
**emo_nightmare_virge:** I’m sorry and I can’t stop apologizing and I’m fucking freaking out and I’m sorry

Virgil’s autocorrect was working overtime as he typed through a rush of tears. God, Virgil hated crying – but he cried so often anyways. He had no idea how Janus would respond. Maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe it would be better if he didn’t… Better for J, anyways. All Virgil knew was selfishly, he was dying for him to respond, to make things okay again. Virgil was truly fucking terrible at moving on.

**DM between deceitful_sanders and emo_nightmare_virge**  
_deceitful_sanders is typing…  
deceitful_sanders is typing…  
deceitful_sanders is typing…  
deceitful_sanders is typing…  
deceitful_sanders is typing…  
deceitful_sanders is typing…  
deceitful_sanders is typing…  
deceitful_sanders is typing… _

Janus must have typed and deleted 6 drafts before he threw his phone down and put his half-coat-half-cloak and his hat on. Five minutes later he was taking a deep breath as he knocked softly on Virgil’s door. Looking down at his hand, he absentmindedly realized he’d left his gloves back in his room.

After a beat, Virgil came to the door. He looked awful, to be perfectly honest. His cheeks were smudged with black eyeshadow, his hair was disheveled and falling in his eyes, and he’d wiped his nose on the sleeve of his jacket. Somehow, he also looked perfect as Janus leaned forward and put his arms around him.

Virgil smelled vaguely of eucalyptus shampoo and petrichor and some kind of off-brand deodorant that Janus loved. Janus found himself stroking Virgil’s hair, and V just leaned into him and sobbed.  
After a while Virgil pulled back. “What are we doing, J?” he choked out.

“Well, we were hugging…”

“You know what I mean.”

Janus took his hat off and ran his fingers through his own hair. “Fuck, Virgil, I don’t know. Whatever you want to do.”

“We broke up a long time ago…”

“Yeah. We did.”

“You deserve better.”

“I should be saying that to you.”

“Better than you? J, you’re fucking perfect.”

Janus opened his mouth to protest, but before he could get a word out, Virgil stood up on his tiptoes and kissed him, softly, hesitantly, almost sure J would pull away.  
He didn’t. Janus felt the tension in his mind wash away as he leaned into Virgil, emo softie Virgil, light side Virgil, ex-lover Virgil, sweet Virgil, Virgil, Virgil… He could barely think of anything else.

The significance of this moment crept into Janus’s thoughts. He suddenly pushed Virgil away.

“The other sides— Patton—”

“That’s not important right now.”

“Roman fucking hates me, Virgil—”

“He can't hate you, he barely talks to you.”

“Logan will think you’re stupid—”

“He thinks everyone’s stupid. J, what are you really worried about?”

Janus’s voice fell to a whisper. “I don’t want to go through you leaving again.”

Janus almost never cried. Composure was his proudest quality. But the look on Virgil’s face – full of empathy, regret, self-directed anger, love – Janus felt every heartbreak in the world, and every love story; every scathing remark about romance Logan had ever made and every lovely sonnet Roman had ever recited. He was hurt, so badly, but in that moment, he held onto the hope that he and Virgil could heal together.

“C’mon, J. You’re not walking back to your room at 4am.”

Janus didn’t argue as Virgil pulled him towards the bed, where he collapsed nearly immediately. Virgil took his hat from his hands and tossed it aside before snuggling in next to Janus, stroking his hair and humming quietly.

“Switching up the roles today, are we?”

“Oh, I’m sure this won’t last long.” Virgil’s voice was barely a whisper, but his smile was unmistakeable. “I’m sure I’ll be back to my usual panicky self tomorrow.”

A small “hm” of amusement escaped Janus’s sleepy mouth. “But seriously V, are you okay?”

“More okay than I’ve been in a long time.”

When Patton came to wake Virgil in the morning, the two were sleeping so peacefully that he decided to let them be.

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic! Hope you enjoyed it. Formatting is weird, let me know if there's a better way to do it than copy/pasting "strong" 32874 times. I appreciate you reading this a ton, go drink water if you haven't today :)


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